Help Wanted!

Job Description for a Drug Dealer

Local drug cartel seeking new dealers. Position is full time and will work all shifts.

Job Skills/Requirements:

  • Applicant must be a self-starter.
  • Ability to count and manage product and cash without creating a paper trail or getting caught by law enforcement. It is strongly advised NOT to put any money in the bank.
  • Vast knowledge of product base and understanding of the clientele to which drugs will be sold.
  • Physical fitness preferred. At minimum, must be able to outrun the following groups: Law enforcement, rival gangs.
  • Job OpportunitiesRemember, product is the first priority even over applicant’s own life or the lives of applicant’s family. Applicant must also defend product and territory with his/her own life.
  • Applicant will under no circumstances get high off his/her own supply. Time is money; product is money. Sell! Sell! Sell!
  • Willingness to carry and use a firearm on anyone at any age, anywhere. Violence to others is at times left to one’s own discretion, but any act that jeopardizes the distribution and transaction of the product or threatens the process, reputation, safety, and existence of the cartel could result in termination through death.
  • Violent actions, robberies, and attacks by rival kingpins are also common; applicant must be unafraid and willing both to incite violence and to retaliate as a result of it.
  • Applicant is ALWAYS at the service and disposal of the management. This means that a dealer could be called to participate in a gamut of undesirable activities. Activities range from shooting innocent mothers to killing small children. Management of the cartel reserves the right to call upon dealer for any activity. Ethical objections will not be entertained or tolerated.
  • Discretion must be used in all dealings. If applicant is not aware of what discretion means, he/she should look it up! Management will not provide dictionaries.

gun-on-groundWorking Conditions

  • Must be available 24/7. No holidays, or vacation time included.
  • Drug dealing is to be carried out in all weather; there is no such thing as inclement weather or sick days. Time is money!
  • Applicant could be subject to lengthy and protracted prison sentences (see our no-snitching policy).
  • Insubordination of any kind will not be tolerated and is punishable by violence and/or death. It is important that the applicant takes the time to understand the flowchart of command so that he/she knows to whom he/she is accountable.
  • Shortfalls in product are subject to death.

No-Snitching Policy

  • Needle and ShotsAbsolutely no snitching under any circumstances. Possible violations of this policy include (but are not limited to): snitching to avoid jail time, snitching to protect one’s life, snitching to protect one’s family. NONE of this will be tolerated.
  • Violation of this policy in any way is subject to termination through death.

Remember you are responsible, disposable, and expendable at all times!

Activity Explanation

Author Rev. Alonzo Johnson
Author Rev. Alonzo Johnson

The above exercise has grown out of my work with troubled urban youth. I first used this exercise as part of a conversation in which students were naming what they perceived as the relatively easy life of a drug dealer and the vast amounts of money that dealing could bring in. I began to draw up this “drug dealer job description” on the chalkboard, and together, we spent some time analyzing the dangerous and violent lifestyle associated with the illegal drug trade. Ultimately, this exercise is meant to stimulate a sense of imagination and discussion as students examine the overwhelming cons of illegal drug dealing..

I engaged the issue of the illegal drug trade in this format with the intent to address the fact that moral admonitions alone are insufficient in preventing young lives from being lured by seductive powers to a life that inevitably ends in violence, incarceration, death – or all three. In praising the perceived material gains of illegal drug dealing, young people are often selectively blind to the collateral damage that occurs in this world.

The exercise is designed to do three things: First present the clear dangers associated with illegal drug dealing. Here, the students and I explored together the direct and large-scale, or systemic, tragic consequences of drug dealing. Second, written in a formal “job application” style format, this exercise allowed me to work on strengthening reading comprehension and vocabulary skills with the group. The third was to foment critical, abstract thinking skills designed to help empower and encourage young people to make qualitative choices and ethical decisions in their lives.

It is important to point out that this exercise is not designed to make light of the very serious and tragic world of illegal drug dealing. Conversely, this format proved helpful in generating real and substantive discussion about the seductive but illusory allure of the drug dealing lifestyle. At the time I developed this exercise, a form of Hip Hop called “gangsta rap” was popular, and many of the urban young people that I encountered were incorporating its vocabulary and philosophies of hedonism, hyper-masculinity, nihilism, and violence into their lives. Drawing from authors such as Iceberg Slim (Pimp: The Story of my Life) and Nathan McCall (Makes Me Wanna Holler: A Young Black Man In America), I set out to explore the realities of the not-so-glamorous side of criminal activities. In these authors, I found that fear, anxiety, stress, and horror are the characteristic the flip-side of the deceptively glamorous lifestyle of organized criminality. Through writers like Paulo Freire (Pedagogy of the Oppressed), I was inspired to use this exercise as a way of addressing the feelings of hopelessness and fatalism experienced by many urban, poor, young people, who in many cases find meaning in gangs and other activities where the use and sale of illegal drugs is prevalent.


AUTHOR BIO: The Rev. Alonzo Johnson is the new Mission Associate with the Presbyterian Peacemaking Program. Alonzo has concluded his service as the pastor/head of staff of Oak Lane Presbyterian Church in Philadelphia, PA. He is a graduate of Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary (LPTS) and is currently a candidate for his Doctor of Ministry degree at LPTS. He is passionate about peacemaking and social justice issues and has rich experience in urban ministry with a focus on mentoring youth in the arts.

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